My Story
by LazyHop
Summary: There are so many thing that people regret in this life. If I had only loved her more. If I had only cared more. If I had only not become the person I am. If... God will never forgive me for the sins that I have committed. So why should I forgive myself?


**My Story**

_**Suffering**_

_lazyhop_

_**Disclaimer:**_ I am not stealing nor claiming I created Rurouni Kenshin. It was created by the wonderful Watsuki Nobuhiro. I'm only borrowing his characters for my fan fiction.

Well, um right, its been awhile since I have written anything. Sorry if you have read other discontinued fan fictions by me. It's just hard for me to finish something I'm not interested in anymore. Sorry, just the way it is, maybe someday I will finish the others. Don't count on it, now that I re-read them I can't help but wonder why anyone would read let alone like them.

Right, back to the topic! Well I came up with this idea from listening to a really crappy rap song. Hate rap but the lyrics were very... hmm how to put it... interesting, unique, grotesque? Basically they sparked a really good idea for a horribly depressing and morbid story. So I gave the credit to the crappy rap song the 'singer' can't sue me now! If you know what song I got the story from, cookie for you. If not, two cookies for you for not listening to rap. Now then, on with the story!

_**-Suffering-**_

This story is one that should not be spoken from pure lips, it is one that no one would wish to tell but every one should know of. It's a story that shows just how dark a heart can become, just how blind a person can become. This story is a story of suffering, desperation, and greed. But most of all, it is a story about a single person. A person who thought that by taking and taking and taking he could obtain anything. No matter who he had to destroy to get it. This is my story, my life, and how I destroyed every person in it.

Like any story I will start from the beginning I suppose. It starts with a boy. A boy of 6 years in age and living with his single mother on the west side of town. The gang infested and drug filled side of town. Hookers ran around and offered themselves to anyone who could pay at least half their cost or feed their addiction to what ever piece of shit drug they were on. It was a classic case of any large city, it was the shit hole for bums, drugs, and assholes.

My mother and me lived in a shitty one bedroom apartment that had a single window that was boarded up with a decaying board and couldn't of held up to a good kick from a drunkard. The kitchen could hardly be called such, the stove leaked gas 24/7, the fridge made a sadistic grown and let out a putrid smell any time opened, and the table was duck taped to the wall to keep its from falling over since it was missing a leg and would fall over anytime the fridge was slammed closed. It was what my friends use to like to call a redneck piece of shit.

For me it was a safe heaven, a place I could get away from the drive by shootings and constant gang fights that took place every day. As for my mother it was a place to come and rest before going out and working another graveyard shift at a piece of crap bar that payed little to none and men thought it was a game to beat a woman nearly to death when they were drunk. Thats how my childhood was. Every day seemed so peaceful and I enjoyed it. I thought it was normal to have to dodge bullets and come how to a bruised and beaten mother. I didn't know better, it was how I was raised my whole life.

Then one night the world that I knew came to a sudden stand still. My mother had laid down for the afternoon to get what little sleep in she could and I sat at the fucked up table finishing off the chinese food she had brought home, a reward for my high marks in school. It was slightly chilly inside the apartment because of the lack of protection the rotting board had to offer from the wind. Not to mention the lack of protection it offered from the drunk who was being chased by cops and decided to kick it in and use the apartment as a safe heaven. He easily broke in and also easily pointed an unsteady gun at me at told my mother that if she so much as mad a fucking sound her little fucker of a child would never breath again.

So, I sat there in silence along with my mother. Waiting for what ever was going to happen to us. It seemed like hours passed as the drunk sat there pointing the gun at me while eying my mother up and down. I could tell what he was thinking I knew it was going to happen yet I did nothing. I sat there and heard her tormented screams over and over again. The drunk man still pointing the gun at me through the whole thing. Grunting out horrid sounds of pleasure as he raped my mother over and over again. When the bastard was through with her he turned towards me and the fucking bastard asked if I liked what I had saw. My mother laying broken on the floor, beaten worse then I had ever seen her. What could I have done? What was the right thing to do? So many questions had run through my head but not a single one sticking out clearly enough for me to react on.

However, my mother, she had enough. She found the strength to get up and while the drunk was talking to me, she got up behind him and dove at him, knocking the gun from his hands. She couldn't put up much of a fight as they wrestled for the upper hand. The man easily beat the shit out of her again and then out of pure anger he continuously kicked her in the rib cage, not stopping until he heard a sickening crack as ribs finally gave under the force of his kicks. Just as she began convulsing and spitting up blood, the drunk lightly stepped on her throat and told her, "Don't worry, soon your son will be joining you just as fucked and ripped as you, you fucking whore!" With what seemed like slow motion I saw him lift his foot then slam it down into her throat, killing her with the devils smile on his face. No, he was the devil, there was no way any person could be that dark in the heart.

I don't feel any remorse for what happened that night. At least my mother could finally rest and I made sure that the man who did those things to her never saw another woman nor felt what it was like to lay with one again. He is the only man that I feel no remorse for what I did to. That night I made sure that the rest of his life was a living hell like he deserved. The fucker took away my childhood innocence and I took away his ability to be classified as a male. A fare trade in my eyes.

That night was the start of it all for me. I think it was the night that I finally lost everything. My mother, my home, and even my sense of right and wrong. From that day on I say the world in a new light. It wasn't a bright happy place, it was hell. Everyone I saw looked like demons, everyone of them looking like the man who rapped my mother. Every person another obstacle in my way. Every thing became so much more morbid, nothing had happiness to it any more.

For me that was the night that I attained the truth of the world. Nothing is good, the world is fucked up and nothing will ever change that. The only thing to do to make it better was to take from others in hope that it would satisfy the urge for the time. That a person can only trust another person when the person is dead. That the only point of life is to die. So, from that day forward I lived everyday like it was my last. I took as I pleased and did as I pleased.

The night I lost my mother was the night I lost my humanity. I became the devil that I saw in that mans face that night.

_**- Suffering End-**_

OK, well I think I'm going to stop here and try to get a new chapter out next week. I wonder what rating this should be put as... most likely M but then again it's not that bad. I don't think... it is kind of morbid. Right, I'm rambling again. Well hope it was enjoyable... well maybe not enjoyable... I hope you felt how I felt when I wrote it. I hope that it invoked some form of emotion from you. I try to write to bring out basic emotions from people. That's my goal! So if you review please tell me how you felt while reading it! And if you don't want to tell me how you felt that is fine! You could just review!

Thank you for reading! By the way this chapter isn't based off of the shitty rap song yet, it will most likely be in a single chapter. Most likely chapter 3 or 4. I'm not sure yet. Poop! I'm rambling again! Sorry! Bye!


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